wow so I'm writing an entry!!! So we're all gonna graduate and here's what I'm thinking.... I might keep in touch with some people maybe even stay close with a few, but life's gonna change and I'm not gonna try to stop it. I'm gonna lose alot of friends, but you know who knows who your friends really are anyway.   I mean, You can have someone one day who would do anything for you and you'd do the same for and literally the next day they're gone. Ok so maybe they call once in a while if they need homework help or act like your friend if you have a cake in your hands, but they don't really care about you at all. You've been replaced in a matter of days and suddenly you're nothing. Thats how it goes. friends don't last. This is probably the greatest lesson I've learnid this year. Not that I don't still love my friends so much and i won't look back at high school with great memories, but friends aren't all that I thought they were because there's no way to keep them. You can do anything for them but they'll give you up in a heartbeat if something better comes along. Suddenly everything that meant so much counts for nothing.

Here's another thing... I can see why someone who has always been a sweet wonderful person and never really done anything wrong, and never even been in a prior relationship deserves to get a great one. to really fall in love and have something wonderful and sure and happy. They deserve it. I know people like this and I'm happy for them. But why is it that someone no more deserving than me, someone just like me in fact can have that kind of thing happen? They haven't done any better than me or been a better person or smarter in relationships so why do they get it and I don't? I seriously don't understand this. I know high school relationships don't matter and honestly I feel like a want to just forget about alot of highschool and really start over next year.

Why would I leave a life to find a life?

Why leave friends I love to make new ones?

Why leave home to make a new one?

Because I'm tired and I know there's something out there for me. New things to learn and see. Chances to get away and leave myself behind. A life that will be truly happy. Someone to love and start a life with and grow old with.

I know its all got to be out there, cause its not here. I'm not gonna be that guy who stayed in town with his girlfriend instead of going to college in the East. Steven made the wrong choice to stay and go to community college with laurie. I'm not passing up the oppurtunity like he did. I'm not gonna be that guy. Time to get going.

 ¹³It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."^[b]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, ¹⁴because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. ¹⁵All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

 ¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

1 Corinthians 4:13-18

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Friday night. July 29. God left me in awe."

"Lets just leave it here: Trust God. He is amazing."

So I wrote this on an entry this summer. These were my words. Me, the cynic. I dunno why I keep goin downhill but just goin back to this pulls me back up. God is still there. I know it. He did this for me. I've fallen away. but He's pullen me back. Sometimes you can see God in something so simple. He still wants me and I want him so bad its unbelievable. I'm gonna be OK. I have great people behind me, but honestly that doesn't matter. its the things God does through them. Someone unexpected. I'm gonna keep tryin. Maybe those things that God gave me this summer won't last. maybe I even screwed it up. but it will always be a blessing just to remember. remember what I learned, the way I felt. "the Lord gave and the Lord will take away. " It's fine. as long as I still have Him, I'll be OK.